Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Stream of (Un)Consciousness

Where are my posts, you might wonder (at least I hope you're all still out there, wondering).

I've been far too wrapped up in the minutiae of my Mother's (and my sister's) care to think, much less write.  So I thought I'd just throw some random thoughts out there.

  • Local lore tells that it's always cold at Easter, whenever it falls. The annual "Easter Spell" came through a few days early. Yesterday, we woke up to temps in the 30s; tomorrow our high will be 83.  
  • The most challenging part of all the illness around me is accepting that I have absolutely no ability to help anyone get better. A natural "fixer," I feel as if I'm treading water. All of my self-discipline (and my friends know such is not my strength) is going toward being a stabilizing, calming influence, and I certainly don't feel I'm doing a very good job. The other areas in which I need self-discipline - food, exercise, housework, homework monitoring, to name a few - are definitely suffering. So I'm lying around with hummus and pita chips watching the laundry pile up while my daughter blithely bicycles. That's me: all the sloth you want, all the time.
  • Speaking of bicycles, I haven't ridden mine in almost two years. I went so far as getting it out of the garage a few weeks ago and there it sits, in the way. I need to take it to the bike shop for some minor repairs, yet that looms as an impossible task.
  • I have no way of knowing if I'll be free to go to Oregon this summer. It's time to sign Young Girl up for camps and such, and I don't know if she'll be camping were she'll need a sweater or camping where she'll battle chiggers 24/7. Sigh.
And there you have it: what's on my mind in an absolutely mindless format.


Christy Raedeke said...

BOSSY ALERT! I'm going to get bossy on you.

Can you give up guilt for 30 days? It's doing you no good at all! Who cares if the laundry, homework, bike repair, etc slips for a few months? In the big scheme it means nothing. What means something is you getting whatever closure, peace, even happiness from the possibly short time you have left with thee people who have walked with you for so many years.

And as for this summer, camp forms don't come out here until May, so by then you may have a better idea of what the deal is.

Continue with Program Sloth!

Kelly Hudgins said...

I shall embark on a guilt-free month!

Thanks for being the oracle and showing me what I REALLY wrote about.

Sarah said...

I am absolutely with Christy.This must be one of, if not the hardest time in your life. If you want to eat chips and hummus or watch crap tv then you can. I don't think I can say it better than Christy. I hope she is a real friend in real life cause she sounds like a good one.Keep plodding on.There are people out here who are thinking of you and wishing you well.Take each day/moment as it comes.Sarah x

Anonymous said...

Kelly, I'm so touched by what you write. You have inspired me, and soon you'll see to what end. For now, just come to California and see me. Bring the Young Girl. Between us we'll make a matched set. Nothing compares to the healing quality of mother earth.

Know that you have friends in low places everywhere.

Kelly Hudgins said...

Karen, I might just do that as soon my mother moves on. Nothing would please me more.

Sarah, your constant support is wonderful, even though we've never met.

I am fortunate indeed.